Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
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I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
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Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay