drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
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I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
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LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.