Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Watching her eat just hurts me
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
