The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying