Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
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