Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Dick very happy bro
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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