he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
