Your mouth is God's brothel.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
