So drunk, too bad you don't want this
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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