thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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