i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize