Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
