we have officially lost it.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
