I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
We had sex on a dog bed..
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
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