TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
