Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
