the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
