but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
