Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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