Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
