dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
