Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Operation Purity has been aborted
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
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