i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize