I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize