Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
