You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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