Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Edward fifth and chaser hands
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
