I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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