I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
