so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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