do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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