I feel like abortions should bother me more
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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