He asked me if I "almost moaned"
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Randomize
