hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Come on in and take your pants off
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