i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
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apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
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Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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