If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Houston, we have a squirter
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
