Sry I called you an 8
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize