I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize
