My room smells like vodka and shame
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize