I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
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I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
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My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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