Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
i want to swaddle you in tequila
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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