im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
