Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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