it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Randomize
