Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
