Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
