you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
