dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
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