did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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