What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
