I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
We named our party play list daddy issues
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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