I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
You were trust falling into bushes
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
