Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
