some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
