no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
