Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
