I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
