now i know why i became what i already was.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
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I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
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HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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