she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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