I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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