I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize