I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
