party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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