just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
