i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
