dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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