It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
