Your dad touched me again.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
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There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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