I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
