OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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