I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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