i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
