Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
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