i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
